This is full of my own opinions. It may or may not make sense. I just feel like splurging my thoughts.

About 2 months ago, I have -finally- quit the toxic cycle of constantly being a "victim" of a non-stop online-gaming addict. This mal-habit of mine started with a suggestion from a friend to play a so-called "innocent" online game; only ending for the worst, tormenting me for 6 years of my life. Yes, it was originally for leisure, but a leisure that went super overboard.

So during the past month, I have watched a few documentaries on various subjects including 'online-gaming addiction,' 'gaming addiction,' 'addiction,' and various ones related to 'World of Warcraft.'

Wow[No pun intended], was I ever embaressed of how I used to be.

I could relate to these countless other human beings being interviewed, well me in the past anyway. When they were giving their thoughts and such on the matter, I scringed a bit because it was like looking in a mirror, except it wasn't physically me in the mirror, it was someone else. I used to think -exactly- just like them, I used to talk -exactly- just like them, I use to behave, interact, respond, live, whatever... just like them.

Spending 15+ hours a day on online-gaming? Check.

Making up excuses to skip outings with friends just to play online? Check.

Spend way too much money on it? Check.

Severing relationships with my friends and family? Check.

Practically living like a sloth? Check.

Wasting my life away time after time? Check.

Hiding the fact that I play these online games from others? Check.

That list can go on and on and on.

A documentary I watched just today was talking about a family and their struggles with this. The parents realized the son was investing too much time in online-gaming and decided to cut the internet to prevent the son from playing. In return, the kid responded out of rage. He started breaking holes into the walls, screaming on top of his lungs, breaking things all around him; In the end, it took two people to pin him down on the floor and to calm him down.

I can also relate to that.

My mom decided to cut the internet off to try to sway me away from this madness. I was so angry, I screamed into my pillow a lot, I was banging on the walls, I called my mom at her work and practically yelled at her. To this day, I still feel guilty for doing such a stupid thing. I still regret it and no number of "sorry" is enough, ever. I'm really sorry, Mom. So after my little fit of rage, I decided to take out my conté crayon set and started to draw on the canvas-like white wall beside my bed. It did turn out pretty nice, at that time anyway, but that is besides the point.

I still remember it all so vividly right now. Words of wisdom or "lectures" just wouldn't sink in my head. I always thought anyone who tried to help me was against me in sort of a way. I would ignore everything around me and zone-in to the game and went from there.

I also remember that I used to make an excuse of the game, saying that Maple Story or World of Warcraft was my zen, it was "my getaway from reality." Why was I trying to fool myself? I wasn't fooling anyone. The only thing constantly playing these games did, was just set my problems aside for later, and if anything, make matters worse just because I put it aside. [If that made sense]

Something that also struck out to me from one of the documentary was of a photographer doing an interesting project. He was taking pictures and videos of children's, teenagers' and adults' facial expression when they play video games and online games. The photographer mentioned an individual who was so engrossed into the game that their brain shut off their ability to blink and thus causing the individual to start crying.

To me, that only shows how addicting and powerful a game could be; to cause someone to lose their sense of blinking? I admit, I've actually been called out by a friend of mine that I did that too because I was complaining that my eyes started hurting a lot after playing for an extensive time. That is very scary.

And of course when you interact online, you are bound to meet people and perhaps befriending them. There is an ongoing taboo of meeting people online and then meeting them in real life. I personally have met people online, who I've also met in real life, and they are among some of the nicest people I've ever met. Needless to say though, that of course, everyone should be careful and be cautious when doing so. Its much like meeting people online to date in-person like those websites dedicated to, well, meeting people online. Or to spare everyone, the appropriate term is 'online dating.' But this is totally swaying off topic...

Something that the online world conveniently do for consumers is aiding in portraying a 'fake identity' or being someone you're not. Yea, I've done that also and do I ever regret it. The moment I started doing it, was the moment I lost my own true identity. I did it for about half a year, pretending to be someone I wasn't. Solar Lee, you're over with. And to all those who was affected by this identity, I apologize for lying. Some situations were over-serious and I do forever hold the guilt of causing these problems.

Call me crazy, but when I finally re-found myself again, I had this internal battle of "Mark vs. Solar." I was talking to myself out and in of character like I was some crack-case. Thankfully and fortunately, Mark won; of course Mark will stay.

I am grateful that I got out of that cycle now. I am living a lot more healthier, losing weight, and have a positive look on life. The very-much-cliché of learning from the past holds true and I am looking towards the future.

To those currently addicted or in the process of being addicted, I hope you will all learn just as I did and sway away from the terrible circuit of events before it becomes tragic, like the more-exterme cases that have been portrayed in some of these documentaries.

To those who are playing online games very casually, please be very careful and not let it embody you and take you on the progress for the worst. To some, it may already be too late.

I've been through it all, and I fully understand how online-gaming addiction works. I've lived, breathed and ate online-gaming for too many years and truly regret for falling victim of such. I am glad I broke free from it and can finally live my life. A big thank you to all those who stuck with me and all those who tried to help me, even the times when I didn't fully listen.

--Mark.