003 - "Ouch, I have lost myself again"

Exert from Sia - Breathe Me.

Lately I've started to feel as if I have no way to go again. Again? Yes, I've been this way before. --I don't know what to do. --Things will start to get dull. --Things I used to do for fun turns dull. --Dull.

It was only recently when I logged onto MapleStory and realized how utterly boring it is getting. There's really no point to it anymore other than communicating with friends who I've met online. --Yes, I've spent a heck of a lot of money on it, but so what? Just because I spent tons of money on this game, doesn't mean I can't drop it. Actually, when I look back into my past and reflect on how much time and effort I've spent on this game; it is quite embaressing. Why did I and am I spending so much time on this game? I could've spent all that time on something more personally constructive. Oh wait. Without friends [RealityMet or OnlineMet], I would've gone insane.

[OnTheSide]
---Oops, seems like a thunderstorm is coming along. I just happened to turn my head to the window and a flash came followed by a 3 seconds wait of silence; then boom.

[BackToThePoint]
Ha, actually, I've started to have slight suicidal thoughts; again. Although they're not as thought provoking as before; its still there. Because I'm starting to find things so dull lately, I'm finding it hard to find something to occupy myself; to take me away from such madness.

But then again, maybe its boredom that has gotten the best of me. This whole day, I was sitting in front of my computer like a lost cause; don't know what to do. Tried DDR for 1 hour, but that only took so much of my time. Came upstairs, sat in front of the computer, trying to think of what to do. Wandered around BestBuy and FutureShop websites and found a few things that I wanted but couldn't get, which also added onto the depression.

Everything seems so 'BLEH' lately.

I feel like changing my daily habits, once again, for the 'even better good'. I want to start somewhere. But where?

God, I need a life.