018 - Waiting...

Its rather funny how serious or how real a relationship that sparked through the internet can feel.

Yes, its happened and is happening to me.

Here's a twist: This person is a guy.

Y'know... its been about 2 weeks and a half since I've heard from him. He said he was going to be back last week. The first week passed by; no news came.

I became desperate and started asking his family and friends; wishing for a promising answer. There was none.

His dad told me he will be back soon. I was so happy to hear that... but soon after, I got the message he won't be back for another month...

Are you kidding me?

Yes, it is depressing for me... He's a really special guy to me. Heck, I've never felt like this in my entire life. Sure, there have been some other cases, but him, he's the one.

Almost every night, when he was around, we've talked on Ventrilo... it was awesome and relieving to share my life with someone who really cares like that... Someone outside of my family. So much laughs, so much giggles, so much googly remarks, so much name calling, so many feelings. It was undeniably real.

But now he's gone. It has been such a long time. I feel lost. I feel lonely. I feel heartbroken.

I remember the day when I really let him down on a serious situation. Those moments right there in time felt like the world was going to collapse. It felt like the universe was going to withdraw and vanish. It felt like the end...

He dragged me back out from that never-ending pit somehow. He gave me that chance to be true to myself to him. To be who I really am instead of hiding in a fake identity. It felt like the world is coming together and be strong and vibrant than ever. I've promised to him and to myself that I would not do anything like that ever again.

Now, school started. Work's loading up without an on-going increasing pace. The only thing I can do is wish for his safety, have faith in him, and wait for him to come back while I focus in my current life without him.

Heh, I have to admit, everyday I think about him. I really do. Every time I hear or see a couple getting intimate, it just reminds me so much of the times him and I had.

So many people say that relationships that started from the internet will not work. Christ, I've heard that so many times its unbelievable. Sometimes hearing people say that just won't matter. Its not valid and not viable. They don't know how it feels like. They never experienced it. Why be so direct about it without an open mind?

I know it sounds selfish to say what I'm saying. I guess I'm a selfish person after all.

Its also kinda funny how a song, that ONE same song can move your soul according to how you feel and it feels appropriate. I've listened to this song during the happy times and it made sense. I've listened to this song during depressing events and it still made sense.

I can say, without a doubt, that my feelings still hold true after this period of time being without him.

I just have to stay strong, and keep looking for the future to come. Use it as a fuel to keep going. Use it as a reminder that there are things that matters. Use it as an inspiration that the world is not going to shatter because of this.

William Joshua Herb, I miss you so much.

I love you.